Dealing with my Anxiety

I have had this post in my drafts for a long time and I have been putting off posting it until now. My anxiety is something that is super hard for me to talk about sometimes but I felt like if I could help out one person with this post it would be worth it.

I have always had a fair amount of anxiety but it only started getting really bad a couple months ago. I thought the source of it was from a birth control that I had started mixed with wedding planning and being newly engaged.

To help fix this issue I put all wedding planning on my mom and stopped taking the birth control. I was still experiencing both anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I felt like I was in such a bad place and I had panic attacks from being afraid of getting another panic attack. I didn’t sleep and I didn’t eat for days on end. I really felt like I wasn’t the one in control of my own brain. It terrified me to be alone or to sleep or to eat. There were many nights that I made Chris drive an hour because I was crying and shaking too hard to even breathe. I would shake and pace and cry and I didn’t know how to even start to deal with any of it.

Nothing was helping and things were only getting worse for me. I started having panic attacks at work and it was getting in the way of regular things that I did. I went to the doctor and finally got a prescription and things were getting a little better. I was still struggling to eat and sleep and be alone but my anxiety attacks decreased from 4 times a week to only once or twice. I really thought that things were clearing up but I only had a limited amount of these pills and eventually I ran out and had to go back to the doctor. He gave me a new and different prescription (not because the first one didn’t work but because it isn’t meant for long time use) and I was really scared to try it.

I am currently still on it and it works okay. I still only sleep for about 3 hours at a time and I can get really scared to be alone because I am scared that I will have another panic attack.

Basically everyone has tried to tell me that its just the wedding but being with Chris seems to be one of the few things that calms me down. When I’m having an anxiety or panic attack it also seems like knowing that the wedding will be over in X amount of days doesn’t calm me at all. I have dealt with more stressful times in my life and dealt with them just fine. I don’t know where this anxiety comes from or what triggers it but I am trying everything that I possibly can.

I don’t just want to complain for a whole post so lets get into the things that I have done that seem to help. These are all based on my own personal experience so if you decide to try them I cannot guarantee that they will work. 

  1. Tea

I drink a lot of sleepy tea and it seems to at least help me sleep. This doesn’t necessarily help me with my anxiety but it does help with being able to sleep. Helping with this particular side effect is the best I can do right now. I drink it at about 9 every night and by the time midnight roles around I am usually tired enough to fall asleep. This doesn’t work for me every night but it helps enough that I do it most every night.

2. Essential Oils

I was definitely skeptical about this method for a long time but after I had used some that actually helped with what they were meant to, I decided to give it a try. I have bath bombs, body wash, and bath salts with calming and relaxing essential oils in them. I have found really help sometimes. I know that there are a lot of people that have tried to tell me that the effects of essential oils are all in my head but so is my anxiety so maybe it a match made in Heaven.

3. Prescriptions

While the other things that I have tried have been pretty big helps, being on a prescription for my anxiety has been one of the biggest helps. It can be super frustrating to try to find the right prescription that balances with other prescriptions you’re on such as birth control. I think that for me, even if it might not be the right anxiety medicine yet, knowing that I am on the path to finding it also helps me feel better.

4. Having someone to talk to

For me, this person is almost always Chris. Seeing as he has promised to deal with me for the rest of forever, having him around is pretty calming. Sometimes he will literally tell me that no matter how shakey I am and no matter how much I have the urge to pace around the house I just need to sit down and he will help to distract me until I start to feel better. Another person who has been a huge help to me has been my mom. My mom is the best possible mom I could have asked for and I don’t know that there are many people who understand me better than I understand myself like she does. She knows what to say and what to do to make me feel better even when I am 100% sure it won’t work.

5. Finding comfort in religion

If you are someone who is not religious or who does not find comfort in spiritual things then feel free to skip this paragraph. However, I promised myself that I wouldn’t chicken out of writing about this aspect of my anxiety so here it goes. For me being able to talk about church-related things more comfortably with people that struggle with similar things is so comforting. I know that through things such as prayer and scripture study I can to overcome things like this.

This has been a really tough subject for me to share as I am sure it is for many others that struggle with anxiety. I know that there are people who struggle in different ways and I really hope that something I have shared can help out.

Let me know what things you have found that help you when you’re feeling anxious.

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